Friday 13th
by Roo1965
Summary: SG1 go on a mission with an extra team member. Jack's unhappy, Daniel's worried and General Hammond just hopes nobody gets killed. Humour..


**Friday the 13th by Roo1965**

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"Err Jack do you know what day it is?" 

"Yes I do, Daniel. It's Friday."

"The 13th."

"Your point being?"

"Well?"

"What? It's just another day. You think I'm worried about this?"

"No, no just curious."

"Daniel, you're _always_ curious."

I don't tell Daniel that my coffee machine died this morning -because it'll get him going. I mean it had been slowly dying for a while now. It makes no difference that it did so today. And the reason I was trying to get coffee at work? I was running late, eating my cereal too fast and spilling milk down my shirt meant that I had to go and change. Then there was the traffic…So no, I didn't tell Daniel. I mean how bad could it get?

General Hammond had called me into a conference call, he sounded serious. I shouldn't be standing here chatting to Daniel.

"I'm in kind of a hurry here, Daniel"

"So you're not carrying a rabbit's foot or four leaf clover…? You know some of this is cultural mythology"

"Oh not this again…. rumours, lies and fairytales? Don't go all triskaidekaphobic on me Daniel, okay?"

That was _so_ worth it for the look on Daniel's face.

Col. O'Neill 100: Dr DJ 0

Sweet.

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**Gen Hammond's office and a meeting that turns out to be Room 101**

Crap, maybe Daniel's right after all. What did I do to deserve this?

Gen Hammond 97 billion : Col. O'Neill 0.

All bad stuff starts with a phone call, you know that right? It's how I got here in the first place several years ago, courtesy of General West, but that's another story.

Okay, so _then_ there was screaming and shouting. I admit it, it was me.

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The other members of SG1 couldn't think what could possibly have happened for Colonel O'Neill and General Hammond to be so out of line…

Some words made it through the glass…  
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"Can't we send him to…?"

"NO!"

"What about…… I hear it's nice there this time of year?"

"NO!"

"Not even….he could tell us what it's like in a black hole?"

"NO! You have your orders Colonel. And I expect you to carry them out. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

I came out of the General's office and stomped past them. My team waited for an explanation. I wasn't going to give them one. It was one of the few pleasures left in my life. But of course Daniel _had _to ask.

"Jack?"

"Don't talk to me!"

"Jack."

"Not in the mood Daniel." I snarled

The General stood in the doorway of his office and the briefing room.

"Let me explain a few things. It'll be a while before the Colonel calms down enough to tell you himself. You're going to have to be very careful on your next trip through the 'Gate."

Ain't that the truth?

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**Gateroom bound…**

Well, we're all geared up ready to go, MALP gone through, yadda, yadda yadda.

And I'm wound up so tight I'm gonna explode. An hour in the gym solidly punching bags hadn't been enough, nor had target practice on the range. Scared the duty sergeant silly, me stalking up there like that and firing perfect scores on the body sheet. But I had to get some of it out of my system before we went planet side, or I might just do it for real. Wanna live a little, wanna die a little?

Funny how we are all trying to avoid the one person who makes such a big deal out of the SGC and what we do here. But he didn't want any fuss. It's not our fault every one's staring at him. I have to admit though; he doesn't suit the green BDU's. And I didn't want him in air force blues either…

We went through the Gate fine, only, certain persons seemed to have regretted having a hearty breakfast before hand…maybe I should have warned him about the breakfast special…

The wormhole snapped shut behind us, followed by the sound of retching.

"Hooo eee it's a rush ain't it! Piece of cake really…Sorry, shouldn't have mentioned food….Eww, not on the boots please."

We wait while he cleans himself up.

"I'm taking point, Carter, Daniel, sir, then Teal'c watching our six." And for all I know maybe George has told him to keep an eye on me as well.

I had a feeling it wasn't going to be long before the bitchin' and moanin' began. I didn't mind. Not really. It was the whining that really got me going. I mean who whines for crying out loud?

I wasn't going that fast surely was I? I mean I know he's older than me but really this was a walk in the park…sorry, planet.

Smiling to myself though, I hope I made my point that I am well able to lead my team. Not too old, don't wanna fly a desk thank you very much.

**Snack time….**

"Hey, don't drink all the water from the canteens! We haven't come across fresh water yet."…jeez didn't this jerk know anything?

How long had it been anyway since he'd been in combat or seen action?

Over 40 years? Or had he weaselled his way out of that one too? What was that line from that film? Oh, yes

'_And some things that should have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth.'_

Sure fitted Mr "I Know What's Best for America" over there. Who knows what he's really done or _said_ he'd done.

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**Early afternoon, by the stream…**

"What do you mean the water tastes odd? It's fine for alien water. Carter tested it. It's ok, but we always add the purification tablets anyway. Wouldn't want us going down with something weird would we? Or bringing it back. Heaven forbid."

"Sure, we keep samples for Dr Fraiser back home. Water, soil, rock, you name it.. And if you thought the pre mission med check was annoying, just you wait till we get back. You're gonna love it. Isn't he, team?"

"Yes sir"

"Indeed"

"Well…"

"Daniel, play nice, don't get him worried…"

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**Finders keepers…..**

"Thanks a lot for finding the UAV, sir; we'd never have found it without you! We didn't need that pesky transponder after all, Carter! I'm sure you haven't broken your wrist otherwise Major Carter, here, would have put a splint on it and not just wrapped it. On the other hand you're limping so bad we're going to have to stay on the planet overnight. What a shame."

"However we're prepared for all eventualities, so we have food and shelter. Plenty of trees, and we have our tarps for a bivouac. Get a nice little fire going. It'll be great!"

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**Suppertime…and the living is easy….**

"What? You don't like the MRE's? Not even the chicken one? It's the best one! No, I don't think they can make them any cheaper, if you're worried about the cost of these things. Which I'm sure you are…"

"Well I guess I hadn't thought about it like that. But you're right; perhaps I have eaten them for too long to appreciate proper food like yourself, that's true."

"But then I have eaten much worse. Worse than you could ever imagine, and gone with out any food for a time or two- so MRE's are just fine with me. In fact I kinda like them, used to them by now."

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**Night time is the right time….**

"It's 0130, sir, you wanted to be on watch, just like one of us you said, so here we are. Coffee's on, the others are asleep. It's just you and me on guard duty. Isn't it relaxing? Just think of the conversations we could have….oh, you don't want to talk. Fine by me."

I could make you disappear and nobody would ever know. Jack- don't even think about it. I don't think he can read minds…but then again…maybe…

What does he hope to gain by doing this? What's going on in that weasel brain? He hates us and everything we do. Nothing we show him will make him change his mind about the SGC and Pandora's Box.

Is it time to go home yet, before I lose my nerve and kill him?

No, Jack you can't do that- you promised the General. George. Buddy…Thor! Beam me up now pal, I don't wanna play anymore. Better still beam _him_ up and experiment on him, try making him human perhaps…

There's no way I'm letting him 'guard' us on his own, on an alien planet. So, I'm just going to sit here real quiet like, and keep an eye on him. And he's looking at me, like he's stepped in something nasty. The feeling's mutual, pal.

Somewhere out there in the gloom Teal'c is on watch too. Technically I didn't order him, but he asked me with a look at supper and I nodded in agreement. One warrior to another, no words needed to be spoken. We assessed the risks and planned accordingly. We don't trust this guy. Not one single inch. Na, huh.

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**Morning has broken…**

"It's 0630, time to get up. What's the O stand for? 'Oh, my God it's early!' come on guys. Shake a leg there Daniel! Morning sir, sleep well? Looking forward to going home? Good, so am I."

We return to the Gate at a slower but steady pace, mindful of sir's gammy leg. No Jaffa, or natives that we can detect, and I don't know whether to feel disappointed or not. I don't like surprises, but I don't do quiet and peaceful either.

I mean it's not like I want him to get hurt, but he needs to see what the Goa'uld and the Jaffa can be like. Up close and real personal. But I know we have to keep this guy safe. He'd only twist whatever happened to his advantage and our demise anyway. And should anything go FUBAR I can't be dealing with keeping him out of the way. It's alright for the rest of the team I know that they can handle themselves. This guy? He'd get us all killed, and himself installed as the spokesman for Earth. Now there's a horrible thought….

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**Follow the yellow brick road…and hopefully there's no place like home**

"What do you mean it's ok, now we can see the Gate? _Never_ underestimate alien planets. Just because we haven't seen or hard anything doesn't mean it's not gonna come out and bite you on the ass. It's the perfect place for an ambush." Jeez. Please let there be no nasties hiding in the woods. That wasn't me you heard begging, honest, it was somebody else.

We do our checks, all ok so far and so Daniel dials us home and GDO's so we don't go splat on the iris.

"After you, sir. Carter, Daniel, Teal'c, and I'll be tail end Charlie."

I wait till they've gone through and take a last quick check behind me before stepping into the big blue.

Cold.  
Freezing.  
Taken apart and put back together at speed.  
_Here now._  
Warmth.

Feet hitting the metallic ramp, the incoming wormhole klaxons still blaring, SF's at the bottom of the ramp pointing their weapons at us.

Home.

Situation normal.

"Stand down." General Hammond bustles in and the SF's lower their weapons. Personally if it was me, I'd keep 'em up.

"I take it the mission was a success, Colonel? You found the UAV black box? We'll debrief in an hour."

"Yes, sir. No problems to report. And actually it was Senator Kinsey who found the UAV."

Leaving the General speechless, I guide my strange team to the infirmary for the post mission checks. Maybe the Senator will get the ice cold thermometer that the Doctor sometimes reserves for me? He's going to love the old penlight in the eyes routine too. The de brief with the General should be interesting. Wonder what Kinsey will make of this?

I don't know but I do worry because we still have a lot to learn out there. The Goa'uld aren't going away, and there's the Replicators as well. We need the SGC program. Old weasel for brains just doesn't get it.

Me? I'm just doing my job like I was ordered to by my superior officer. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Thanks George. But we're all back home safe and sound, and that's what counts in this crazy world.

I give a big sigh, as I settle on the infirmary bed.

"Is everything alright, Colonel?"

"Yes, Doc" and I tune out the nurses dealing with my team, taking blood samples from me. Sitting here watching the Senator's reaction to all that's going on…

Is it still Friday 13th?

Can I kill him yet?

Please?

**The End**

Note 1:  
**FEAR OF 13:**_(Triskaidekaphobia and Fear of the Number 13)  
__1_: **fear of 13**: a persistent, abnormal, and _unwarranted fear_ of the number 13, despite the understanding by the phobic individual and reassurance by others that there is no danger. _2_: **fear of 13**: a strong fear of, _dislike_ of, or aversion to the number 13.

Note 2  
Mythology/rumours lies and fairytales dialogue originally from 'One false step' episode season One

Note 3  
Room 101 from George Orwell's "1984", the room where you meet your greatest fear. The 1984 film version was excellent with John Hurt and a cracking soundtrack by The Eurythmics.

Note 4  
'_And some things that should have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth.'_ Is taken from Peter Jackson's LOTR (1): FOTR the voiceover introduction about the forging of The Ring and its beginnings.

Note 5  
"It's 0600.What's the O stand for? Oh my god it's early!" is from the film 'Good Morning Vietnam' with Robin Williams.


End file.
